Posted August 17, 2006 Book: The Unwanted Gift of Grief: A Ministry Approach Author: Tim P. VanDuivendyk The Haworth Pastoral Press, Binghamton, NY. 2006. Pp. 192 An Excerpt from the Jacket: War, terrorism, death, and suffering . . . the amount of grieving after a loss is increasing – and increasingly lonely. The Unwanted Gift of Grief is a passionate, practical guide through the grieving process for those who have suffered loss – and those who care for them. Rather than talking people out of their grief and pain as a way to make them feel better, this unique book invites them into the grief and pain as a way to healing, transformation, and hope. Using real and in-depth ministry and counseling conversations, it identifies the journey through the wilderness of grief. This powerful book is equally valuable as a professional guide for ministers and counselors, a training resource for lay ministers and congregations, and as a gift to a grieving person. An Excerpt from the Book: Grief as the Unwanted Gift All along in the wilderness, we knew but we could not see. The pain was blinding. We slowly came to see that our grief was our gratitude. Our gratitude for our lost loved one. We had a bond with him or her. He or she mattered to us. We were involved with the person. We loved him or her and he or she loved us. We do not grieve significantly over those with whom we had no bond or love. As our grief transforms into healing, I hope we take time to sit and remember and mourn over our deceased partner or child. But remember, remember that our tears are our gratitude rather than just our grasping. Our tears are celebrating love. We only grieve over those we love. Forever, we can celebrate their gift of love. Imperfect love? Yes. He or she made human mistakes and we made human mistakes. But most of all, love! “Remember that our tears are our gratitude rather than just our grasping. Our tears are celebrating love. We only grieve over those we love. Forever, we can celebrate their gift of love.” Table of Contents: Part I: The Unwanted Gift 1. Grief As Gratitude, Grief As Gift 2. Everyone grieves differently 3. Factors that affect the wilderness of grief 4. Unbelievable darkness 5. Frustration and anger amid “Why?” 6. Praying for a miracle 7. Wrestling with sadness and depression 8. Healing: experiencing light again 9. And yet . . .we never forget! Part III: Sojourners in the wilderness 10. Being a sojourner 11. Sojourning with those in unbelievable darkness 12. Sojourning with those frustrated and angry amid “Why?” 13. Sojourning with those praying for a miracle 14. Sojourning with those wrestling with sadness and depression 15. Sojourning with those in healing and light Part IV: More ways toward transformation 16. Marriage: tough enough without grief 17. Ways of making it through the wilderness of grief